So, I’ve survived my first week of college. Those of you that only know me through my 10 year long journey of blogging, (that makes me sound old- I’m not) you don’t realize how much of a miracle it is that I’ve survived three weeks in Indiana, let alone an entire week of college. I’m not a scholar in anything other than my own time with The Lord, and I hate (hate- H. A. T. E. ) the heat. See? It’s a miracle.
Did I mention that while at Grace College pursuing a double major in journalism and Biblical Studies, I’m at least two years older than most of the seniors? *sigh* I’m not old… I’m not old… It’s just extremely quirky that I’m homesick, but not for the people, nor the things that the rest of my peers currently are. They have an amazing right to do so, and I would never look down on them, judge them or make fun of them.
It’s incredibly interesting however, when I see star-crossed 18-year old couples and I realize, I will never be able to truly and genuinely share in the giddy innocence. I’ve already been there. I’m currently working through emotions of what it means to bring incredibly terrifying baggage to a relationship that I feel God has called me to. The giddiness of sitting together every meal without the scrutiny of my parents? Oh, how I long for that.
On top of that is the fact that it had been almost six years since I’ve sat in a college classroom. Take tests? Know what my SAT scores are? Actually know what the SAT IS?! Nope. Not happenin’. I’m not old… I was called here. I’m not old.
But even deeper than just the shift from full time ministry to student is the fact that Indiana is so incredibly quiet. Even when the emergency sirens go off, there is a lack of fear and a lack of evil in the air. Spiritual warfare is still evident, but it’s muted. I told one friend, “I don’t know how to handle the fact that I can’t see or feel what’s happening around me. It’s unnerving not knowing what to expect from the spiritual realm.” … Wait. Did I just say that? Am I actually scared of leaning on God in the midst of silence; when I can’t see where He’s working and I can’t feel spiritual friction? Really?!
Y’all might think I’m nuts (especially the precious Godsends that don’t share my views. Which believe me, I welcome that with open arms). But after several years of serving in Alaska where spiritual awareness isn’t optional, I sincerely struggle with not being around the “noise.” In praying through it yesterday, I quietly received a rebuke from God I’ll never forget.
You keep looking for spiritual awareness in the people I’ve asked you to surround yourself with right now. You’re so focused on the lack of that awareness you’ve stopped looking for Me. Did it ever occur to you that I brought you here so you’d have to learn how to seek Me when Spiritually you don’t feel Me? .
Ouch. Talk about humbling. I was then gently reminded of 1st Thessalonians 5:24. “He who called you is faithful and He will bring it to pass.” I love that verse. But I often forget the verse before it where Paul asks God to sanctify us entirely. Entirely. No stone unturned, no perspective left unchallenged by His Word. Totally sanctified.
Being here in Indiana hurts, but it’s amazing. Apparently, God had done enough in me when I was permanently in Alaska that He needed to get me away from the world I was so incredibly familiar with.
It’s not about my comfort level, my knowledge of the Spiritual Level, nor about wanting to be around a different group of people. It’s about making me entirely sanctified so that, through God’s power, I may accomplish what God has called me to do.
Okay, Lord. I’m here. Find me faithful ❤