Probably one of the most heartbreaking consequences of listening to God and coming to Indiana is the fact that my heart is still very much intertwined with the Body of believers in Kenai, Alaska. I’ve never wept so hard over people I’ve only known for three years. I never thought I could say a Body of believers was more important to me than anything I pursued as a journey of self improvement. And then, quite randomly, God sends me elsewhere. I had a plane ticket, but the hundred-some people I left in Kenai did not. This wasn’t fair. This didn’t feel right. However, I know without a shadow of a doubt God wants me here.
He’s a God of insane plans- think about it. Sending His Son for a people that hate Him? Insane. Using imperfect beings to bring about His Perfect plan? Insane. Allowing His perfection to somehow be in-bodied in his creation’s imperfections and yet not once becoming imperfect Himself? Insane.. Powerful… Indescribable. I don’t understand Him. That’s a good thing.
Asking me to leave the Body of Believers that became; seemingly overnight; an integral part of who Cassie Harris is, in order to embark on a journey of unknowns… That’s one of those are you QUITE sure this is a good idea, Lord?! – moments.
At one point, I jokingly started telling people that the only thing strong enough to keep me in Kenai was a man… If I ever had the audacity to fall for one. That.. Was a total lie. I’ve got a man in Alaska that I’m quite comfortable and confident in. And I still left. However, I had a very good reason to leave Kenai a year and a half ago.. And I stayed. I needed the Body that I couldn’t find three hours away.
In talking through the pains of leaving with a mentor in Kenai, I said something that I never wanted to admit. “I think God’s sending me away because I have everything so comfortably here. I don’t have to yearn for Him. I want Him desperately, but I don’t have to search for Him.” Starting over in Warsaw is making me search for Him. Many times, I haven’t wanted to. My attitude, my joy and my genuine personality suffer because of it. And my core of Believers that know me well aren’t there to pick up the pieces.
This is good. This is right. This is exceedingly painful. This is sanctifying, and this is what I prayed for. Don’t ask me why… Comfort is so much easier.
The joy in all if this is, I’ve started over; and I’ve found a Body here in Warsaw. They challenge me (already) in ways that my Family in Kenai didn’t have to. And they’ve shown bravery in sewing me in right away. I didn’t really have a choice to go without fellowship for a while. They have no idea who I am, and I have very little clue who they are… But we have the same Lord, and the same goal of making His name famous. What’s just as precious; we have each other.
In the past week as I’ve been tossed into the workings of my new Home away from home, I’m overwhelmingly blessed with how God has answered prayer. I was terrified of coming to Warsaw and just being left alone to my own devices- which is a very bad idea. God knew what I needed from the get-go, and provided in a way I never expected. But He also knew where I needed to be challenged right away, and He provided that just as quickly. God is good!
What can I say, my heart is full… Everything else; my job, my education, my relationships, is just overflow. The Body is alive and active here, and that blesses my heart more than I ever thought possible.