My heart hurts today. Despite the looming deadlines for articles and projects, all I can do is sit and ponder. How can my heart be at peace while my heart quakes with dread?
God called me out to act on true obedience this week. In the course of being obedient, I left a broken heart in my wake. In the course of giving God the reigns and telling Him to “take over”, I heard a broken voice behind me whisper, “But wait. Where does that leave me?”
Despite popular belief, I was more than aware of what my choice to obey would do to the loved ones surrounding me. If I hadn’t been watching my loved one’s heart, my obedience would’ve been executed a long time ago. If I hadn’t clung to the thought that I was the only one that can rescue and protect broken hearts, the first time my Master called me to action, I would have acted. But I didn’t.
It doesn’t matter the specifics of my situation. If we claim we’re Believers in Christ, we’ve all been there. That moment when you are the only one called by your Master for a specific goal, and you hesitate because you’re guaranteeing pain for a loved one. You tell yourself you’ll just wait until they agree with your views of God’s calling. But many times, you wait… And wait… And pray until the cows come home, but nothing happens. You’re still sitting there, attempting to assure God that you’re still being obedient, but you have yet to lift a finger. You’re waiting. First, you want your loved ones to be on your side. In essence your prayer life becomes, “Yes Lord! I want you to be my everything. But first, I need to make sure _______________ is in spiritual agreement with me.” This is the dichotomy of obedience.
Because I’m not married, this became a very objective thing for me. Because I’ve never uttered, “Till death do us part”, God only had one question for me. “Why haven’t you done what I told you to do in the first place? I’m calling you. Now move!” My Master didn’t have to speak through my husband, my pastor or my father before I felt confirmation. He just called me. Then He pointed me to His Word.
I think so many times, we forget that God’s love does not stop with us. When I pause my ministry out of a desire to protect someone else, all I’m telling God is, “You don’t love this man/woman enough. You need me to protect them so they’ll love you.” No. Wrong. Obedience is obedience. You’re single? If God wants your significant other to walk with you, God will give that person the same spiritual desire as you. If you’re married, I guarantee you, it may be heart wrenching, but biblical marriage is not designed to split love and ministry. They go together.
Obedience hurts, but what’s worse? Obeying the God that loves deeper than you’ll ever imagine or obeying an emotion and a reality that is assuredly temporary? When God called me to action and I heard the pain in my loved one’s voice, I almost broke down. But for better or worse, God doesn’t call His followers to action by accident. Even when the sacrifice hurts.