Daddy’s Memory Lane

Aisle 10 at Safeway.

The movie Brothers Grimm.

The Greek restaurant in my favorite town.

A whirling ceiling fan.

A lot of us have ’em. Epileptics have memory flashbacks of the last thing we saw or experienced before a really horrendous episode. All four of the above things listed were (and sometimes are) my flashbacks.

For several years – even after I got my life back – those things were avoided at all costs because the confusion was mind altering. I lived in fear, and daggummit, I was good at it.

Today, I experienced another kind of flashback. But instead of one that filled my heart with dread, this one made me smile. Today I walked a trail that 9 years ago I had walked amazed that I could even walk- much less comprehend what I was seeing.

9 years ago, I was 75pounds, and half a brain lighter… But I was standing on top of the Kenai River Gorge smiling because running water always brought God to me faster than anything else. I was weak, but I had scaled a “mountain.”

Today, I walked that same trail leaning on my Daddy most of the trip. I didn’t need him nearly as much as I had needed him physically 9 years ago- but I still needed him.

I grinned as I saw his hand extend towards me– I could see him.

I giggled as I called his name and he couldn’t hear me. I’ve come far enough that he didn’t feel as if he needed to hear me because I was “fine on my own.”

And then we got to the top of the trail. I sighed as I heard God whisper:

Keep looking for flashbacks of Me. I’m the same 9 years ago as I am now. Keep seeing me in the little things, Baby Girl. Keep hanging on, even when you don’t think you need Me.

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