One more seizure. And then another. And another.
None of them nearly as bad as what I’d learned to expect, but still.. three muscle-clenching seizures that close together will always be enough to make me ask questions.
Too much coffee? … It’s 6am, I’m in bed, so.. no.
Too much sleep? … I wish.
Too little sleep? … Hallelujah, no.
Too much stress? … Define stress.
This morning as I watched my heart rate reach to at least 115 for the fifth minute, I finally broke through a new level of understanding.
It’s a physical issue but a spiritual battle.
For the first time in too long during a seizure, instead of asking for release from pain, I asked protection. I claimed Christ and Him crucified. I confessed sin I knew I wasn’t really freed from. … I watched my heart rate slow, my muscles found relief, and I was able to sit up in bed and start my day.
I can’t remember when I found enough difference in certain seizures to stop feeling as if my epileptic seizures were epileptic seizures. But I have. I can tell when it’s “just a seizure” and I need someone to hold my hand so I have something to identify. And I can tell when that seizure is quite simply one of the only things that can distract me from time with Christ or anything He’s called me to accomplish.
My prayers change, my attitude of fear dissipates and my approach to the episode literally becomes a challenge. Do I believe Christ can get me through this and can I then pick up where I left off spiritually before the seizure? Can I go deeper with my time with God after the episode or will I stay distracted?
All the sudden, I’m not afraid of what my body will do to kill me slowly- either mentally or physically.
I’m just down right curious what God has in store for my life. The Enemy feels as if one of the largest ways he can stop my pursuit of God is by making me scared of my medical journey. Why?
The Enemy knows my seizures scare me now. Fear freezes my heart, mind and spirit until I think I’m “back to normal”.
God called me to Battle this morning.