Evolution of Faith

As a kid, I struggled with worth. Left to my own devices, I was the one that encouraged chats about my disorders and disabilities because, in my mind as a child, we only needed to face one fact:

There was nothing interesting about me outside of my disabilities.

As a kid that felt she was expected to keep the conversation going (I have no idea where I got that expectation, by the way), if there was a pause in conversation; the automatic fix to the dilemma was to talk about my disabilities. Believe it or not, the last thought in my mind was that I was being narcissistic. It just made sure no one had to deal with silence. It was probably the most annoying thing about me.

If you talk about something enough, it consumes you. After it consumes you, it becomes your identity. I had no confidence in my wit, humor or personality; I certainly had no confidence in the God that created me. I was Cerebral Palsy and Epilepsy. Nice to meet you, too.

I had the random thought today that some people may think nothing has changed. Most of my jokes are around my awkward right hand, my half-a-brain existence and just my overarching quirkiness as a disabled adult. The only thing that has changed is probably also the most powerful.

I completely believe my disabilities prove God’s existence (and I’ve learned how to laugh).

The secondary subject of my life hasn’t changed, but my perspective has. My disabilities are no longer surrounded by the definition of me.

They’re surrounded by the fact that God created me like this for a purpose and my identity is in Him.

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