In some ways, I press forward in my faith to honor the people who expect me to fail. In one aspect, I do it for the precious ones who knew me when christianity was a status symbol, rather than a Covenant between myself and my Savior.
They need to know one thing:
If they’re waiting for me to fail… I will.
It’s the astonished tone to their voices, “Wait. You… You still believe this Jesus thing works? Don’t you know life without boundaries is so much freer?” The dearest of friends guffaw good-naturedly and mutter the same idea over and over again.
“Come find me when you give up. Come find me when you’re finally done playing an invisible game.”
I was reminded the price of my belief in Christ tonight as my commitment, and the shared commitment of another like me, was met with disgusted, confused and annoyed silence.
My faith has nothing to do with my ability to be good enough, on the straight and narrow enough, or even loud enough about my faith in Jesus Christ, the Son of God as my savior. Though all those things are a portion of a lifestyle, relational Christianity, that makes it all about me… When it’s not.
God used a highly frustrated friend to remind me that my faith in Christ is about giving Christ the chance to shine more brightly through my brokenness than I ever could simply out of sheer will.
When I told the truth about my convictions, my heart broke because I knew he wouldn’t agree. My heart broke as I was silently taunted by the reminder that I was the most unqualified to speak truth. But instead of fighting, I was met with complete silence and God simply whispering:
This is my story, not yours. You spoke Truth tonight. You might not next time, but it’s not about your ability to convince anyone about My existence. It’s about your transparency in showing how quickly and fully My grace, love and redemption pursue you when you run from Me.