Unobserved Double Standards

Dear Men,

In all honesty, I’m probably a little too concerned about my perceived modesty. Time and time again when I check my outfit with my significant other I get a befuddled look that seems to mutter one thing. 

Woman. It’s a shirt. Yes, you’re fine. Can we go now?

But then there are those days when I mindlessly put on my last clean shirt and I find out (usually days later) that particular shirt shouldn’t be in my wardrobe anymore. I am not a shapeless woman. The question, “Is this modest?” gets asked every single day. 

The answer changes more frequently than I thought it would. 

I’ve noticed in the past month how much women are required to double-check, yet men aren’t. If my jeans are too tight, my shirt showing too much midriff, or my neckline too revealing… How dare I. 

My spiritual maturity gets questioned; my moral character weighed. Don’t I know what I’m doing to the male population? I’ve been approached by men before (on a day I got dressed in 2 minutes & probably should have taken longer) and asked if my walk was right with the Lord. Granted, one look down my upper body and I knew what they were trying to say… But that shook my world. My standing with God is put on trial due to what I wear?

However, if as a man, your arms are well defined in the cut-off you’re wearing, your pecs easily observed because your t-shirt’s too small (women know your secret, by the way)… Well, you’re just manly. Good for you, Dude. You turned my head as well as countless other women’s heads. What a hunk. Good job. You don’t make us stumble, right? Women put up with it silently, so that means it doesn’t effect them, right?

As far as people assessing you spiritually based on your clothes; why would they? You’ve got a great heart… 

Men seem to think women aren’t adept to physical temptations by what we see. Oh, how very, very wrong that view is. Women are just as turned on, broken down and spiritually tempted by what walks in front of us as the next person. There have been quite a few men I refuse to talk to without people surrounding me so I have a reason to look away. You obviously dressed that way to get a reaction. You got one. But you also made it hard for me as your sister in Christ to see you as anything but eye candy. 

I hate being this blunt, but someone has to say it: Seeing you as my equal Spiritually is incredibly difficult when my first thought upon seeing you is Dang, you’ve got a great body. 

So, next time you speak to women about modesty, please do it with a fair mindset. I’m all about you telling me if what I’m wearing makes you stumble. If at all possible, I’ll change immediately. But it’s not only something we “stupid, manipulative women” do to you “innocent and unassuming men.” 

We do it to each other.
I realize we don’t live in a Eutopia where this is easily changed. Though I’m mindful of my body and the clothes I wear, I will mess up on occasion. Forgive me. But, so will you. I’m begging you, though, as someone who has chosen purity and to give that to one man someday, help me out. Help all women out. 

Realize the double standard and when you tell us to dress appropriately, realize what you’re wearing might be just as hard for us. If we need to adapt our ways to help you out, maybe you could be willing to do the same?

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One thought on “Unobserved Double Standards

  1. So much truth in this. Great writing, friend.

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