I only write about things that ultimately feel real. Which is why, until last night, I kept my engagement off any projects I was working on. It just didn’t feel real. And then, we had our first “chat.” Chats are usually amazing when done with the guy that stole my heart. But the laughter was more overwhelmed and nervous than it was giddy last night.
The questions of, “How do we manage storage? How much will that apartment cost? Can we handle living on a college campus for two more years if we’re only seminary students?”
The big decisions, and the frustration on both of our faces, made it feel real. Every dramatically real decision discussed made the ring on my finger mean a little bit more. I laughed every time my fiancée and I answered a topic with an authoritatively affirmative, “I don’t know, Babe.”
In our mid-twenties and trying to start off on the right foot, we are most assuredly still looking for an “adultier adult.”
As I hit the pavement yesterday to process alone, I laughed for real as I realized how much God had transformed my heart in the last two years. Two years ago, the “I don’t knows” would have scared me to death, possibly even made me angry. Now, though, I can’t help but anticipate the surprise as God weaves together a story I wasn’t looking to be a part of three years ago.
I chuckled even harder thinking about how very against surprises I’ve always been. Up until a year ago, I liked surprises as long as my twenty questions were answered when I got wind that a surprise was being planned. Now, surprises still make me nervous. I am, after all, a journalist. I was born to ask questions. But, I’ve had to learn that sometimes the surprises aren’t about me.
We often view the phrase, “Wait and see” as God’s frustrating approach to sanctifying us. And it often is. But, I have to wonder: Is it possible, that at times, God quite literally says that because He knows how to love more deeply than we do? Is it possible His command to “wait and see” is because He knows that by trusting Him and letting Him essentially surprise us , He’ll be able to show us a level of love we wouldn’t understand otherwise?
Surprises take trust, trust takes faith, which is basically the backbone of believing in Jesus Christ.