There is honestly very little humorous about this post. Unless, of course, you count the fact that it’s humorous that a single individual was drafted to write on the subject of spiritual bonding in marriage. Recently, a ministry I have the privilege to work with here in Alaska finished our rough draft for an abstinence curriculum. It became exceedingly clear that we needed to do what our secular counterparts have not – address how intimacy outside of marriage is not void of that eternal spiritual bond.
I humbly wrote this from the perspective of someone that sees this subject as what it is- something not addressed until choices are made and it’s too late to hide yourself from consequences. Marriage is not quite simply, “making babies and having fun”. Neither is sex outside of marriage. It’s so much more.
.. God said to write for His glory. Apparently, that meant His greatest work done through and in me were the subjects that I had no personal ground to work off of. Ah well, find the otherness of God, treasure it, and learn to laugh anyway.
Spiritual bonding is that scandalously intimate aspect of relationship that is too deeply rooted in a couple’s union to even attempt to describe it. Every couple knows when their union has reached that benefit. Very few, however, can grasp how it happens. It’s something that, when done correctly, can only be seen as a true act of God. At risk of being accused of spiritualizing a cop-out, the reality is, it’s a God-thing.
Aside from the six day creation, marriage was one of the first eternal bonds God created. Marriage was, and still is, seen as a beautiful depiction of the relationship between Jehovah and His creation. As Christ stated in John, “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.” That love, in it’s purest form, is the love that relationship was meant to be founded on because of what it illustrated between The Creator and His Creation. When relationship is founded on anything less than that agape love, spiritual bonding is tossed about like a wave in the ocean.
Sometimes sex can be construed as a spiritual experience, but is that all God meant it to be? Sometimes, there’s a seemingly quirky revelation that the couple is experiencing their mate at the spirit level; but it is rarely handled with the respect and awe it deserves. In a way, without Christ, that spiritual bond is so rare that it gets ignored out of fear of what it is. Instead of diving deeper; because the uncertainty is worth the knowledge of Christ as well as the knowledge of their beloved; the couple resorts to sticking with the deeply caring, yet platonic love. Spiritual bonding never eternally works between a couple when that union is void of Christ. Whereas sex was once meant to bring Christ into the relationship, it is now an act to relieve a desire.
In marriage, the fact within a command that, “The two shall become one,” is precious. The beauty within the physical only exemplifies what the couple already knows. When their Beloved hurts, they hurt. When their Beloved rejoices, they rejoice. The impeccable oneness that is added within the relationship during sex isn’t seen as a shock, just simply a Godsend of a fact. There are secrets shared void of words during that depth of vulnerability. You know your beloved, your beloved knows you.
Some translations interpret the term, “you shall know your beloved” as “you shall see your Beloved.” There is a depth to this that can never be truly explained. As someone once stated, “Because I see (her) I know, that I know, that I’ll always know, and there is quite simply very little that I will never get to know. She’s mine. I’m hers. That can’t change.” This, friends, is beautiful; if it is seen through the eyes of marriage. There is a protection of each mate that goes untouched. There is a vulnerability there that is shared that is only magnified when sex is shared. It can’t leave. It does not depend on your attraction, your situation nor your temporary decisions. God created that bond to occur between two when they form a precious union.
The heartbreak comes when individuals give themselves away with any chance they get. What could be seen as a lack of judgment, an act of loneliness, or even -sadly – an act of revenge will still hold consequences never considered the moment before two unite. The phrase, “When two become one” is not reserved only for those who have a marriage contract. Sex, as it is the will of God, brings union. That union brings a vulnerability that encourages a spirit-deep bond with your mate. If that mate is only temporary, you find yourself at a loss for words as you discover that although your body may have walked away from that temporary mate, your heart and mind have not. Spiritual bonding is beautiful, but when ignited wrongly, it comes with a high price.
Choose to wait, if simply for the fact that giving the spirit-deep bond to more than one person will make it harder to give yourself wholeheartedly and completely to someone when marriage becomes the answer. Choose to wait, it is the greatest gift you can give.