Failing to Defend

I let out a little squeal as I opened the package. I wiped away tears as I realized its contents worked perfectly. I shook my head in wonder as I mentally pestered God about the necessity of my purchase. He was apparently honoring my whimsical desire to steward well what little money I had, but the whole scenario made no sense. I had muttered a crazy dream toward His direction one night and He was orchestrating it without my help. I wanted to be excited; but my faith stuttered and I let my logical argument with my Dream-Painting Lord begin.

After all, though my new possession was frugal, well-intentioned and useful, the fact of the matter is, I won’t need the contents of the monstrously large box for… Well, I don’t know exactly when I’ll need it. I just obeyed what I felt God was telling me to do. Only after the purchase was made did I lose confidence in my act of faith and started regretting and worrying about the wisdom of my decision. 

But, I had to remember one thing. I had prayed about it and God had mercifully worked out details which I never would have thought about myself. Apparently, it was the right move. Apparently, God had His reasons for making me do something as nonsensical as ordering something I won’t be using anytime soon. Honestly, barring all leaps of faith and being the doomsday prophet that I am, it’s possible I’ll never use it.

Too often, I forget what I’m responsible for when God calls me to step out in faith. Without even thinking about it, I act as if my act of faith is only important if I can justify it to those around me. Even deeper, I lose confidence in my obedience when I can envision being told my dreams, goals and actions are ridiculous. The moment I hear that, the joy of obedience is lost because I faced opposition.

It’s as if I can hear my Savior saying, “You obeyed Me, Kiddo. You found joy in the unknowns and in the simplicity of watching Me work until you listened to the world that doesn’t understand Me in the first place. You asked me to use you, you begged me to honor your desire to use your resources well. You answer to Me, not them. 

Because of your obedience, if the time comes, I will not fail in defending your decision. I am the Judge that matters.”